Wells Woods - Feel The Pain (written from hospital kiosk)

    A decent crew - Crash Test, Crash & Burn, Scooter (now stiffy), Focker, Ed (I think we should call him radar based on his ability to find us in the middle of a bushwack trail), john buda (rookie debut - need a name??  anyone), and myself - what happened to TT??  Out on the yellow - Double drop crash bros clean, to the stone wall (lots of walkers) to the new orange flag horseshoe trail - bit spongy, some good drops and ramps (couple of loose rungs), Steel neil (who likes a stiff one, rides the stiffy, likes the HARDtail) - dismounts into the gully, grabing the first stiff tree he can get his eager hands on..  DOH..  I try to hop - no dice - we see a new ridiculouse stunt in the works (or is it done and just really insane).  Back to the yellow - onward to blind faith - everyone rides but focker (yup bastard)..  Rookie even cleans it (well you either clean it or call life star).  To the 5' roller Radar, CT & CB ride it with style.  Focker gets the diving board ramp !! (I was too busy photographing small animals to capture it on film though)..  Tough getting up easy going down.  To 5'drop - no takers, broken spoke excuse + I left my downhill bike in my other car - loan me 10 Ill pay you back.....  Lots of contemplation though.  More drops (I walk), to beaver dam to "hit the deck" log.  We do some maintenance - many tries - CT goes both ways clean, I follow cleaning 90% then crash hard into the deck before the drop as I TRY to get speed on the moldy log.  Luckily I broke the fall with my head, wrists elbows and knees - feel the pain. Radar cleans it too.  CB cleans it with his signature wheelie drop to endo dismount.  Everyone held up cue cards with numbers 9, 8, 9, 7 - except me who had fallen and still cant get up.   I decide to try it again until I realize that my left hand doesnt work.  Good thing I had all that one hand riding practice carrying the rake and wood last week!  To the power lines, we split up and FOcker and I decide to map out new trails in circles in lieu of rushing home for x-rays.  Some good stuff - I clean a 4" log and rocky section with one hand literally behind my back.  Actually I just kept waiving senile presidential motorcade style.  Ok we all got back and its now time to ice my now limp wrist.  Nice Ride - see ya next year - PM 

Rookie - you may be too young to read this rating - close your eyes please - doh

Rating - (****) - 4 pint glasses of bright yellow lesbian piss, that's all you have to pour on your KASHI organic cereal this morning and it never tasted sooooo good.  Actually that's no fun, pouring glasses of piss into your cereal??  Must be the drugs talking, lets try 4 shaved (make that bald) alien lesbians squatting over your cereal - that happen to ejaculate - 1% , 2% or skim milk - Just use the adjustment knobs (')(') to select.  IF you are real lucky - you can even get some lactation (')(') into your gourmet coffee.  If you don't eat cereal, and would like them to put some ketchup on your eggs than you are way to sick for this riding group - as you can see we are moderately conservative.  And stiffy - you can moisten your cereal however you want, just don't tell us about it.  Looks like I wont be getting any speedy equipment selections from TRANE any time soon..

Ok you can open your eyes now.

PS - I think its time for me to take up trail running - and yes im looking for people to chase me with sharp objects.  Either that or I need to design a one hander bike.