Soapstone - Nocturnal Emissions center - I like my trails tight, like my women - recap

First - PM's rant

    So before I head off to the trail, I reluctantly make a trip to the nocturnal emissions center to get my "big rig" checked out.  So this yenta jumps in my car (like its her first time behind the wheel), puts it in drive, revs it up, and then throws it into park with the wheels still going like 30.. her head just about hits the steering wheel and then She sticks her nose up in the air, like nothing happened and informs me that I have to pay an extra 20 bucks because its 3 days late, but deems it certified for 2 years of wet dreams, bed wetting and tiny little atoms of air-borne poop like the ones that flew out of her butthole when she slammed it in park...  I go off on her pukemaster mega-diss style so bad that this kid next to me speaking 3 languages on his cell phone hangs up to JOIN IN.. She says sorry in engrish..   There are signs all over this place warning of prosecution for bribery yet NO WHERE are there signs indicating that kidnapping or strangulation is any problem..  You think for 40$ they would at least clean up the chunks of puke, dirt and sand on the floor..  So then she gets me a complaint form to shut me up..  They should at least do something usefull with these emissions centers like turn them into recycling bins, or self storage areas, However, I cant think of any USEFULL things to do with those yentas who work there.. OK so sorry for the rant - Im done.  On to the ride. FOckers..

The ride - the dirty in more ways than one - DOZEN...  Lets see PIT, Tracy (I have a new name for her but you must read on), Trouble, Crash bros, Father crash (that's ed falling like a ton of bricks), Mad dog (the tent molester), Tubeless Todd, Brick, Scooter, Dead Beat Steve, and puke your fearless and mentally ill ride leader for the evening..  Come this way..  We are off like cheesy prom dress in the back of a limo down the yellow, TT in the #2 position (DOH - and you thought there must have been hourses on the trail!!), some crashes in the swamp before the fire road, then up the tech section, I clean then lots of twanging behind me..  To the "stay left of the tree" obstacle, 4 cleaners me, mad dog tm (thats tent molester not trade mark), and crash bros..  Pit and TT do it with a dab (not together you fools!!).  To the Nemesis yellow climb, im not on, crash test almost nails it and I clean the rest..  TT flats and gets an F on bike repair, but keeps good spirits..  Father crash bounces off a few sizable logs, crash test gets some sick air..  To the low tree hill, I get with a forearm dab hop, mad dog tm almost cleans it, CT is now throwing his bike for the 3rd time 50mm from the top..  To the sik downhill, craig follows my line way behind the seat, to the long adrenaline filled downhill..  We wait in the middle of the road tempting fate with drunken hill bill'y truck drivers and speeding soccer moms. TO the 5 uphills - intersection (no bailers?) im impressed - fast blue with pukemaster airtime line - crash test drafting me full speed through rock gardens - fire road - to yellow AWESOME rock garden - I dab twice, CT crashes and is pissed "this is so easy" pm "no craig that was pretty hard, but this rock right here IS EASY"  I clean it, 5 seconds later CT is in the air without his bike again looking for the trailside cry baby soup vendor..   Tracy is warning that she is not having a heart attack, just out of breath and possibly needing some re-sus-it-tation..  Mad dog tm "mouth to mouth? im first - pick me pick me"  He then realized that he may not have enough breath to save her so the rest of the group may have to jump in - boy those would be some hot lips eh??  Hey thats a good nickname for you tracy Hot lips!!  Sorry - just deal with it.. Onward to the orange downhill - sweet, to a big rock up CB, CT and I clean - fun stuff..  Fire road to swampy hellish awesome bushwacky trail with 2 nice rock lunges some cool slickrock downs..  back up to the yellow, down blue, more PMAT, then beer.  "I was all liquered up, stumbling into the tent, ready to get some and the next thing I knew I woke up with a bum knee"...  We are waiting to hear dominatrix wendy's recap of the event.  Talks of the "list" - the rules are "there are no rules" - good one dead beat..  

Rating - YOu know I was thinking the other day - that show star trek - have you heard of it.. Well all those episodes that start with the discussion about the captains logs and you never see a bathroom on the ship..  Well I think they must have beamed all their feces down to 4 huge buckets on a remote planet during their journey.   The rating - 4 huge buckets of william shatner and company's excrement, piss and medical waste located on the planet - of course - URANUS.

NIce Focking ride - PM