Remember the old days when recraps arrived via the modern technology of E-mail instead of the web - Well, untill the site's back up (in a couple days thanks to rookie) - this will just have to do!!

What a showing last night at (3rd nipple) lactation mountain in meriden.. Here are the organ donors, in the order in which they were recieved ~ Brick, Rookie, Barbie, yes I said barbie, back from his Tunisian carpet munching tour, QM (quesadilla man and scoobie doo), Shake & Bake, Focker, Sock Stuffer, Tubless Todd, Boomhower (J.B.'s name just isnt catching on!), Puke, PMD, Hot Lips and last but not least the camera man with tatoo of anchor on his fore-arm..

First Barbie, s&b and myself performed a 3-way brake maintenance.. Barbie fixed S&B's bike, then barbie wanted to pull a mcgyver and dissasemble my texas hand chainsaw for the "retainer clip", he reluctantly accepts a gen-you-wine shimano pin from the parts department, I put some white lightning on my rims to get the glaze off... So paparazzi dude, had to take the child seat off his bike, and didnt have a helmet, and hasn't biked for a couple years, but he was ready to adventure anyway, and did have one hell of a fancy shmancy camera that he wanted to duct tape to my bike.. The only problem was he forgot the monkey that needs to run beside the bike and press the shutter button just before boomhower falls off in a pile of death cookies... Hot lips looking for the vallet' parking (where is HLM??).. Ok, I brought the helmet cam to make things even more painfully confusing and slow, can we add any more lotion to the comotion?? -The answer is YES - Hey its QM's dog scoobie doo, ready to cheat chainring death once again.. Next time focker plans to bring some handlebar mount naked lesbian circus midgets. Ok - can we ride now - lets get to it - strike a pose, ride like a virgin.. need I go on..

To death cookie hill, S&B screaming in 2nd place out of the gate (Evil D, must have upped his medication).. Up, U-turn dn (flash, flash, flash) - yes they wanted nude pics.. Basically the climb is a 6 foot wide path of jagged, mongolian head sized loose rocks that make so much noise when pounding up them that you cant even here the back of the pack whine..  (basically picture godzilla with baby sized marbles in his mouth).. Anyway .... PMD has lighting concerns so we head up, past the "buss stop" to the ridge.. Nice crimb.. Ok now the cat is out of the bag, this is not a bikerag photoshoot but a PM olin mills, heterosexually challenged, scenery shot - my 15 minutes of shame - I was a little dissapointed with the lack of heckling.. Onward, still some film left after 600 profile shots of my ugly mug behind a full face helmet with the lovely backdrop of meriden.. To steep downhill #1.. Helmet cam on, I get Brick riding with style points blindly.. Papparazzi setup, rookie CLEANS it!!, then brick rides it again, BUT has to take a piss on the way down, so he whips it out so fast it falls into the spokes and he goes over the bars, landing on the camera man.. NO JOKE.. I wouldnt lie to you - I have video to prove it, although you may not see too much since there's no zoom.. Walk of shame for everyone else, I have the new riding with helmet cam excuse? Onward for one (last?) photoshoot on the ridge, some groupie photos, then more high speed granny-2 blur shots.. PMD thanks the CM, and catches up while I P. I miss the hard-ups due to piece of sh!t bike excuse, sock stuffer and brick clean the 3 foot ups like focking speed bumbs.. S&B and Barbie pull the 75% effort move (looks like leather)... Boomhower came close. The ridge turns to rim, brick in front, I was in the #2 position (yes bent over) providing moral support.. Down Down Down, awesome no "that was the money shot".. Another big up, many tries for PMD and rookie - They both clean it but I had to turn the camera off for rookie (yes cracked lenses).. Meanwhile, boomhower crashed because his alter ego thought he was being chased like a princess by the poverazzi... TT fix's his chain by pulling on it?? To Barbie (mcguyvers) hike a bike up.. So everyone is passing the bikes up the rock, like sandbags, but barbie decides to fall back on his other play doll skill of "climbing with one hand", almost reach's the top, faulters with his once broken hand in the crack, and ditches his poor excuse for an orange mountain bike on the rocky ground 13 feet below (Thats a foot for every rider - On Belay?).. Luckily, the nails were not damaged although I did sense some split ends..... Leaving him frazzled, and dechevled, his bike as delapadated as a DC-10.. OK, leading from behind didnt work so rookie followed me, focker up front with the a-team, pile up up hill, brick slowing us down once again, QM taking troubles place is thinking about beer... Scoobie dew keeping up the pace, but occasionally stopping, on a dime, like a jewish tire and most likely picking it up, realizing its not a "scooby snack" and moving on, for fear that it will be dark soon and the boneyard gouls will be out - good thing he has us meddling kids for protection!...

Hairpin right on "fire road", Many inadvertant 90 degree turns on off camber polished rock.. Focker "rides the deep one".. He likes his rocks like he likes his women - loose.. No offense to FM.. Up, through mud sweat and beers to clearing where I once saw a mountain lion after smoking ridiculouse amounts of cat tranquillizer.. This way? No, this way, wait, ok now this way.. "you gotta hit the button just right".. Down shallow grave slippery marble hill.. Brick and SS out front with focker, SS catching air, this is no trail to have panic attack on!! Rocks clanking like domino's, I almost ram PMD, glad my brakes dont work, focker is flying, I cant catch him, kicking it up a notch, then kicking up some rocks, then kissing some rocks, he crash's.... I assume his knee pads got some use!! Onward I stop for some filming, and give rabid misleading encouragement, but forgott my cowbells.. Thats right rabid!! PMD riding it like a smooth piece of single track, hot lips not too far behind.. QM on the HT looking for the SL.. S&B took up the rear and put all the rocks back that we moved so we can ride it like a sidewalk once again.. Back on nice grassy, muddy, rocky rat infested, car abandoned, rusty,  double track, SS flats, then BACK down first death cookie hill, we were all suprized so see the flashes going off at the bottom.. This is one dedicated CM. Brick flats..

Back to the car, QM - has a freakin keg in his SUV and is dishing out beer cups within seconds.. He even had a bag of pretzles.. He must be related to trouble, hope QM isnt troubles gay cousin, and isnt plotting to kill me for all the slander!! CM wants names, but gets nicknames, sarcasm and abuse..."im a vagrant" - focker I think he had fun.. Rookie was unsure of his nickname "rookie?" I told him he can get an upgrade to webmasterbater if he "comes through" with a server.. Rook wants to show QM something, (im thinking genital warts?), just kidding it was just a 3rd nipple.... And as focker would say "you can milk anything with nipples.. Wow this is worst recrap and as you can see spell check is completely disfunctional.. Brick wants to send me some porn helmet cam movies from the under carriage.. PMD and I bail for "sushi" and interviews with the national inquirer.. Not sure what the rest of you fockers did but I bet it included grease, beer and waitress prodding.. Not to forget bad conversation..

News just in from S&B = TT, Brick, Barbie, Focker, Buda and me went to Ruby Tuesday in Meriden looking for Charity,Chastity or whoever the hell else would be willing to take our abuse. Talk of kids, how and why not to have them, possible locations for this year's trip, more making fun of the ______ guy with the helmet on backwards, why people who dress upand go to Star Wars conventions aren't married (big mystery), expensive hobbies and much more.

Nice Ride - Thanks for being patient

rating - "XXX is how I rate, im the one your parents hate" - 5 Lesbian midgets riding scoobie doo, drinking Ice-T and patting
him on the but, down main street in west hartford, rush hour.. - Followed by green x-terra, driven by deranged fool with full
face helmet cam, sticking out window.. You would think that the snotty people would be starring at the lesbians, but they are
actually enthrawled with the cage that scoobie doo is towing, which contains a 3 way sex romp with China, Minute Bowel
and Horshack... (I would give you a play by play but that would be sick! ACTUALLY maybe it should be a celebrity death
match instead of a sex romp).. Ok heres how the celebrity death match goes - CHina off the top rope, lands on minute and
snaps his arm like a toothpick, blood sperting like a ruptured camel back... Minute recovers, smaking, horshack on the head
like benny hill, squashes him into a pancake (throws him into OSAKA like a frisbee, lands on someones plate and is
mistaken for sushi) AND THEN he lassoos china with what appears to be.... a garden hose.. DAMM it looks like were
back to the sex romp.... Tape will be airing on Fox's "you gotta see this" next week.. Was that confusing? HUH?


If you did not spit out or puke up your coffee at least once, let me know asaPEE - PM

Legend
HT - Hard Tail
SL - Smoothe Line
FM - Fockers Woman
CM - Camera Man
SSSP - Sneaky Socker Stretch Piss











PS - Yes the cage is lined with B&W, S&M faded bikerag stickers..
PiSS - Yes barbie was climbing on the outside of the cage, with one hand, bike over head, sneaking a socker stretch piss on
horshack..