Rocky Mountain Oysters (Montana Tendergroin) 2 pounds bull testicles (lamb/sheep, calf or turkey testicles can also be used) 1 cup flour 1/4 cup cornmeal 1 cup red wine salt, pepper, garlic powder to taste Louisiana Hot Sauce hog lard (cooking oil can be substituted) Split the tough skin-like muscle that surrounds each "oyster." (use a sharp knife) You can also remove the skin easily if the "oysters" are frozen and then peeled while thawing. Set into a pan with enough salt water to cover them for one hour to remove some of the blood and drain. Transfer to large pot. Add enough water to float "oysters" and a generous tablespoon of vinegar. Parboil, drain and rinse. Let cool and slice each "oyster" into 1/4 inch thick ovals. Sprinkle salt and pepper on both sides of sliced "oyster" to taste. Mix flour, cornmeal and some garlic powder to taste in a bowl. Roll each slice into this dry mixture. Dip into milk. Dip into dry mixture. Dip into wine quickly (repeat the procedure for a thicker crust). Place into hot cooking oil. Add Louisiana Hot Sauce to cooking oil (it'll sizzle some, so be careful!). Cook until golden brown or tender, and remove with a strainer (the longer they cook, the tougher they get). Butterflied Turkey Nuts 3 pounds of fresh turkey nuts 1 pound of flour Salt & Pepper Heat fryer to 350-degrees. Rinse nuts under cold running water and pat them dry with a paper towel. Make a lengthwise slit in your nuts, almost cutting in half but not going all the way through (butterfly). Dredge in the seasoned flour and fry immediately. Have a platter with a towel to drain your nuts on. Serve your nuts with your favorite sauce. Barnyard Family Jewels A delicate mixture of calf, bull, sheep and turkey testicles. All can be prepared as above. The differing sizes make an interesting platter. Ranch Fry Toss the balls on a hot iron stove When they explode....they're done! Battered Balls Cut the testes (your choice) into broad, thin slices Marinate for 1 hour in oil, lemon juice, chopped parsley, salt and pepper. Dip them in light batter Fry Serve with ketchup or chili sauce Crabby Bull Balls 2 Lbs. Testicles (Bull or buffalo) 1 ounce Lemon Juice Testicle Batter (we didn't want to ask our contributor what this was..we're assuming it's your plain everyday flour/water/salt type of batter...we'll let you know if we try it out ;) Boil battered balls in oil. Serve with testicle sauce (again...we were afraid to ask...go with your favorite sauce and hope for the best) and crab spice Fried Animelles Choose 3 fresh sheep's (mutton) animelles, remove the skin and cut each into 8 pieces of uniform size. Place in bowl with salt, pepper, 2 teaspoons tarragon vinegar, 2 teaspoons olive oil, a little thyme, 1/2 bay leaf, 1 sliced onion and a few sprigs of parsley. Cover the bowl. After one hour they should give out their liquid. Drain, put back into the bowl with the rest of the ingredients, and sprinkle with the juice of half a lemon. Before serving, drain on a cloth, pressing lightly; dredge with flour and fry until golden. Arrange in a heap on a napkin and garnish with fried parsley. Breaded Animelles They must initially be blanched, stripped, drained, patted dry and cut into thin slices. Panade l'anglaise* Saut and serve with a Burgundian sauce * * Panade l'anglaise: dredge escalopes in the flour coat in beaten milk and egg mixture then in breadcrumbs. * Burgundian sauce: reduce 1/2 liter of good red wine with 3 chopped shallots, bouquet garnie, chopped mushrooms, butter, salt, sprinkle of Cayenne. Lamb Fry 2 doz. lambs fry (testicles) 1 c. chopped ham and bacon 1 clove garlic bay leaf, herbs and spices 3 oz. butter flour stock Prepare fry for recipe by blanching and stripping outer membrane off. Pat dry and cut into thin slices. Lard each piece with bacon and ham, and roll it in chopped herbs and a pinch of pounded spice. Dip it in flour and braise in good stock, to which add three ounces of butter, some bits of bacon, ham, a bay leaf, herbs, and a clove of garlic with two cuts. Cook until the fry is well glazed over, and serve. Donbalaan (4 servings) 4 sheep testicles 2 medium eggs 1 cup bread crumbs cooking oil 100 grams parsley salt & black pepper Wash testicles and cut length-wise along the middle. Remove the skin and cut each part length-wise into two slices. Sprinkle some salt and black pepper on both sides of each slice. Add salt and black pepper to eggs and mix well. Dip each slice on both sides in bread crumbs, then in eggs, and again in bread crumbs. Fry each slice in pre-heated oil on one side for a few minutes until color changes, Turn over and fry on the other side again until color changes. Serve with washed and cut parsley. Simple & to the point calf fry Remove the thin outer skin. Soak in salt water for 1 hour. Cut large ones in half; roll in flour and fry in hot oil. Calf Fries in Wine Sauce 40 bull testicles 1 or 2 cloves of garlic Onion to taste 2 Tablespoons corn starch 1 cup white wine Salt and pepper and tabasco to taste 1 cup water Wash and clean testicles thoroughly. Boil until tender, about 30 to 45 minutes. Drain thoroughly. Saut oysters, onion and garlic until brown. Dissolve corn starch and water in cup, then add to oysters. Add wine and let simmer until sauce thickens. Add seasonings and serve steaming hot. Goat Testicle Stew 8 - 10 pairs of goat testicles Salt water. 1 large chopped onion Several chili peppers Celery Potatoes, butter & milk for mashed potatoes Boil the testicles in natural saltwater. Throw onions, chili peppers and celery in the in the pot. Let it boil for approximately 1 1/2 hours. Serve with mashed potatoes. Kokoretsi (Greek recipe from a visitor) sheep liver, 1 lung, 2 hearts, 2 spleens, 2 testicles, intestines salt, pepper, oregano, oil Turn the intestines inside out and wash them carefully in hot water. Turn them back again (outside in). Cut the internal organs in small pieces and wash them carefully as well. Put salt, pepper, oregano on them and put them on a skewer (a big steel skewer). You put liver, spleen, heart, lung, testicles and continue like that until all the pieces are skewered. Pin one end of the intestine to the skewer and wind the intestine around the skewer. If the intestine is too short, take another one and tie it to the first one, and continue to wind. Put salt, pepper, oregano and oil on the "kokoretsi" and bake it in low heat for 2 - 2 1/5 hours. Serve hot together with other meat dishes and a salad. Penis Stew 1 pound of penis, ram's or bull's 3 tbls. oil 1 large chopped onion 2 garlic cloves, peeled and chopped 1 tsp coriander seeds, crushed 1 tsp salt freshly ground black pepper Scald the penis, then drain and clean (doesn't say how you clean a penis. Not sure a guy would know since this penis is, well . . . never mind). Place the penis in a saucepan, cover with cold water, and bring to a boil. Remove any scum, then simmer for 10 minutes. Drain and slice. Heat the oil in a large skillet. Add the onion, garlic, and coriander and fry until the onion is golden. Add the penis slices and fry on both sides for a few minutes. Stir in the remaining ingredients with a good grinding of pepper, add enough water to cover, and bring to a boil. Lower the heat, cover, and simmer for about 2 hours, or until tender. Add a little water from time to time if necessary to prevent burning. The ladies say this was originally a Jewish recipe from Marcelle Thomal. Apparently innards, including penis, once played a major role in Jewish cooking. This recipe is taken from The Two Fat Ladies, Full Throttle by Clarissa Dickson and Jennifer Paterson. New York, Clarkson Potter, c1998, page 101.