Granville Gorge olympics - fat men cant jump - recap

So im headed for the mass border again without contacting my parole ossiffer, when I pass a volleyball tournament for the SEVERELY gravitationally and vertically challenged, it was so funny I almost had to stop and take a pic, but that would not be very nice (and I was late).. The net was at the correct height though (for ping pong maybe)... OK - im done - the dysfunctional group I rode with - Crash Test (craig), Crash and burn (brian), Trouble, Slippah, and Neil (scooter) - (good thing BOB didn't show up huh!!) debut.. and Moi'
AHHHHH pavement to guard-rail, to endless fire roads.. I think we are at white memorial.. This "trail" just goes up, never down.. Slippah warns us about his high temperature gauge going off as an indication of how "hot" he is.... The pack speeds up.. Later troubles low fuel indicator light goes out and they rush back for carbo loading.. Finally 
the trail, nice stuff, rocks drops, a hill CAB goes over the bars on (yes I said hill).. The trail surface at this place is PURE F'ing EVIL, as trouble would say "it sucked me dry", and I felt like my frame was broken with 2 flat tires, this was the brail trail in broad daylight, speaking of broads, how about those 2 cuties we saw by the res!! Enough lovin for the whole group im sure - think they were headed to a volley ball tournament in windsor locks.. Anyway.. I think I need a drink. pause.. pitter patter.. glug glug .. gulp gulp gulp.. AHHH ok so I lead the downhill (eyes closed - ahh much better) through satans sandpit, rocks, mud etc.. fast... Until I find a wheel shaped sink hole that EJECTS me James bond style.. over the bars like an Olympic long jump , I touch my toes (for style points) and land about 10 feet 
from the bike, crash bros had front row seats, then we waited for like 10 minutes for scooter and company (we are thinking maybe he is putting an end to his "dry spell")... Scooter has problems, (besides being a trane salesman), derailure problemos, and his front shock got knocked clear off his bike.. Low log trail, cab shrinks, I walk, scooter scoots.. We split ..Trouble and slippah scoot home for what I like to call carbo contemplation "hmmm should I drink a beer before I put my bike on the rack???" decisions decisions.. back home on a killer uphill singletrack, to fire road, to the Heh Heh HehUUUUUUGe LOG that crash test almost cleans - UNBERIEVABLE - two 3 footers, uphill, 
GONZO...

This place makes the boneyard look like mother fing disney world, Rating, just 3 COCKoroach filled fortune cookies that have enough MSG to salt beelzebub road next winter

Later - PM