Wells Woods - Presidential Escort service Tour - The Beaver Monologues (boy was that a mouthfull)

First I must add to my dissertation on riding with wood - "crashing with wood" - When you whipeout with your wood, try not to land on your wood.  If you do land on your wood, make sure and roll around in the fetal position until fellow trail goers point and laugh at you.  You might want to ask yourself "self - why did I crash" - the answer may be that your wood is too heavy to ride with, or your wood was not properly attached and swinging all over the place causing you to loose your balance. .  Thats all onto the ride

OK - So Focker and I decide to adventure for a change instead of doing laps in the girl scout camp parking lot looking for more missing teens.  I email The wile coyote and see if the trail is done in columbia, and we basically just show up on her doorstep unanounced.  WHen I took the right onto hunt road it started to bring back fond memories of porkies (paging micheal hunt, is mike hunt here...)..Anyway so we follow directions to Lori and franks place (nicknames to be determined) and see 2 mountain bikes out front - so we intrude.. and they were nice enough to give us a tour - lori on bike in front, frank riding the xr250r in the rear (I guess he thought he couldnt keep up DOH)  Within minutes lori was airborne over every rock in sight showing us ramps and crazy rock drops. The double drop no takers - (excuse #??)  Next up "blind faith" - an 8' rock with steep ramp - Wile Coyote (WC) cleans at speed - focker cirlces several times but the air traffic controllers were just laid off so he deams it not safe to land.  I just wanted to look over the edge but once your there you are committed (yes Im thinking straight jacket for me) - so I dropped in - not so bad, just had to climb back up the rock to get my stomach.  Some other cool ramps (some missing rungs) toothless smoothie??  Anyway..  So since we are getting the presidential motorcade tour, Im thinking these stunts deserve some new names, like the  5' drop WC crashed on and landed on her KNEES - I think we should call that the "Lewinsky drop".  The stunt that I cant remember - "Reagan ladder".  OF course the bush drop and the beaver crossing will get along fine as is.  Was I the first to cross the beaver dam and not fall in??  Frank got about 1/4 way into the beaver and decided to back out.  I rode the beaver fast (it wasn't too hard).   Its no wonder the beaver stunt is called "real consequences" you can say that again.  I suggest full head gear and knee pads for that one.  And please go in alone the beaver bridge can only support one rider..  This is going downhill fast..  Ok after "R.C." up hill to another ramp, I stop, focker rams into me (easy guys) otherwise he would have cleaned it..  Many tries no dice..  Nemesis..  More ramps - cool moderate stuff low to the ground.  Its dark - We loose Wile Coyote and hear some howling in the distance.  Frank is lightless so focker and I take turns riding behind him to shed light and take free carbon monoxide hits.  Power line pissalot, then more trails, lightless frank hits a rock and almost crashes..  2 bats attack me and we head Back to the house where we are greeted with beers!!  What a great focking ride - these 2 will be an excellent addition to our group.  I should really go get their prison bitch names for initiation..  Thanks for the tour!!  I might call in sick tomorow and check out some of that stuff in the daylight.

Rating 5 Bee stung swollen legs, rubbed with poison ivy leaves, sun burned and fitted with east nile west nile mosquito infested fiberglass insulation pants - where am I going with this I don't know...

Nice Ride ~ PM