The catchy name of this ride had everyone coming out of and into the woodwork. Nurse Betty and I arrive at Stone Road at 6:15 and meet up with PMD, who had just arrived for the 5:30 ride. New John drives in right behind us. We do 20 minutes of ritual foreplay riding up and down Stone Road, notice singletrack in every direction and salivate wildly. Crash is the first to return from the 5:30 ride, slurring his speech from his latest wreck, talking about dragging his face along the ground and considering the wisdom of PM's full-face helmet. The rest of the group is right behind him, but apparently haven't suffered as much.

We take off and climb up to Stunt Garden #1, obviously built by a civil engineer that was fired from the big dig in Boston for overdesign. Boston's loss is Nastyhegon's gain. This is by far the sweetest section of seesaws I've ever seen: perfectly hinged and smooth with excellent exits. Everyone rides through and we head downhill. I hear some mayhem behind me and I look back in time to see Trouble lying on the ground, dazed and confused for so long it's not true.

You can't have a pagan ritual without invoking the evil one, so we take our chances and descend through Devil's Kitchen and reassemble at the bottom. The dark lord exacts his toll and we're quickly down one rider. Devil 1, Group 12. Like characters in a Friday the 13th film, we think nothing of the loss and continue on. We ride over some flats on to some hellaciously technical ups and bang a left into bushwhack country. Just when I'm wondering why, I see signs of civilization, planks suspended in the distance. I have a vision of some battered and bloody MTBer heading into Home Depot. "I've never built anything before, can I get some help?" The Home Depot guy says "Sure, what are you trying to do?" "I need to build three suspended one hundred foot long gangways curving up, over and between living and dead flora halfway up the side of a mountain. Don't worry about the exit ramp, we won't need one. Here's my site plan."

So the gauntlet has been thrown down and three warriors rise up to the challenge. Crash and PM ride the 10' high plank path back to back (with footage). Crash no crash. PM comes ripping down through the off camber section sliding and hucks. Time seems to slow down as he glides effortlessly through the air. I notice a vulture flying overhead and remember Crash saying at the top that hucking is no problem, landing is the problem. Crash is clearly the Moses of this expedition as PM careens into the bushes. As he's lying there, New John comes ripping across like he's riding the sidewalk in front of his house, airs out, and lands with a big grin. For the stunt and the grin, I'm nicknaming him HF for Huckleberry Finn.

We head back towards the cars and decide to extend the ride a little. Another rider falls by the wayside and heads out. We cross the road and head onto new singletrack. After a short climb, we notice a young and terrified porcupine on the side of the trail. PM, PMD, and Shake 'N Bake stop to admire the porcupine and get some nature footage. Just as we head out of sight, the porcupine turns into a goat, starts talking and lures them away with the promise of cold beer and hot food in exchange for their souls. Devil 5, Group 8. Beautiful singletrack, lots of hills, token suffering at the back. A few minor crashes and we're back to the car squinting to see the trail in the dark at 8:51.

Ride Rating: 5 Cauldrons of boiling oil mixed with congealed blood and porcupine quills.