This may just be a long long recap, longer than Pinocchio's nose after a fib fest..  So shake and bake gets out early and comes over for some much needed bike maintenance..  FOcker calls and will be late, but doesn't want to meet us there because he is lonely..  So more work to the bake mobile.. (shit I have to sneeze and this is going to hurt)..  ACHOOO, ill have to wipe the blood off the screen later..  So focker shows up and we carpool to soapstone, following every school bus in the town..  "hey its  a nice day for a road ride" (I mention casually)..  Finally get to the parking area, arm ourselves with gps, camera, tools etc....  Map out the new trail, then up up up, to the new log gap stunt - I flash, focker cleans after a while and shake is still getting used to his high rise stem (insert excuse # here)...  Onward, time to explore wide trails (yup like em wide like my women)  So we see soem quad double track fresh soft mushy trail and decide to follow it WAY down, farther down than trouble goes on his gay cousin (is that getting old?).. Just deal, im on a rampage here..  So we go all the way down to the bottom and hit a road ride uphill (as promissed), up some vert, We find a cool Front yard bike stunt - ramp jump in front of an ugly gaudy pastel blue house, ponder riding it but thoughts of shotguns scare shake and bake away..   then dirt road, to HEY, I know where the fock we are..  Back track through logging to map stuff out, to blue, back to yellow, back to blue..  We were flying those biatches all over..

     So time check 5:00, no time for rock stunt, hey theres a trail RIGHT here I dont have on the map - ponder - focker decides we should cruise down it and double back heading home..  So its like a rocky double track, im in front, going down, suddenly im flying 5 feet above pukecycle at mach speed, every appendige flailing, and I find a really nice rock to break my fall with my face..  Luckily my nose took most of the blow, saving one knee and hand..  The rest of me is in shock..  So Pick myself off the rocks  and focker says "you ok" - "NO IM NOT FOCKING OK I JUST landed on my face" or something like that..  FOcker and shake proceeded to tell me how incredibly bad my face looked (always reassuring - and imagine if they are trying to be nice!!)..  So, my face is spewing like a typical monty python armless warrior and I have no french fries to shove up my nose..  So we walk up the trail where it meets the fire road..  Shake finds a sock to cut up and I shove it up my nostrils so I dont bleed to death..  Focker and shake want to get the x-terra and pick me up - GEE what are the chances of mr COLUMBUS and focker finding me out here..  Im thinking slim to none, so I ride back, skipping the last vertical up soapstone mountain (yes I am a woos), find some single track on the way back.  Pass some hikers that dont even realize I look like a prop from the movie carrie...  Back to the car, focker drives me and shake home...   Easy trouble..  Some high school chicks are following us as they can smell the fresh blood - no joke..  Home bound, I start getting the chills, go inside and put on some clown pants to amuse the crew..  Food, then hospital.

    So big Al drops me off at manchester hospital, and I start waiting, finally get signed in and this nurse is checking my blood pressure, I look up and see a calender with a picture of nice smooth soft single track through the woods on it..  AHHHH...  More waiting seinfeld is on and its an episod about waiting in the emergency room - I shit you not..  Freaks o plenty here..  So I finally get signed in and the nurse asks me a bunch of stupid questions "where does it hurt" - as the blood drips off my face and pools up on her formica countertop..  (im thinking its my toe, I stubbed my toe)..  So I tell her, I think my nose is broken..  Back to the waiting room - This old guy is walking around with his piss in a cup, dripping it all over and trying to get a beer out of the vending machine ( I think he actually succeeded)  ..This lady accross from me has this purse that is actually a COFFIN, a mini black coffin, with a handle on it and a purple cross..  Get me out of here..  Finally I get admitted, and of course there are hot nurses walking all over the place (yeah thats it just like on TV - im delirious)..  So my male nurse lets me know that he is a nurse and not a doctor - like I care, tells me to wait..  Finally the doc comes in, shines a flashlight in my eyes, makes me walk a straight line, stand on one foot and recite the alphabet backwards..  Then sells me a tetnis shot like its a used car..  What will that cost me 500, sure Ill take it..   Looks at my license for the "before" picture and thinks that the rock may have been an improvement on my face (I of course agree with him).  Doc giving me shit within 5 seconds no joke.. Finally x-rays, its broken - so we arent going to do anything, and if it wasnt broken, well we wouldnt do anything, its just important for you to know that its broken, but you would have figured it out anyway tomorow morning when you wake up with 2 black eyes..  His advice - stay out of public for a while..  How soon can I ride? I ask?  As far as im concerned you can ride home from here, just try not to fall on your face..  Cop comes in and asks me if im me, I reluctantly agree, what are they going to charge me with BWI??  Wouldnt suprize me - PMD found out I was in the hospital, and rushed over to pick me up (after she had some sushi)..  So at least I had a wet nurse to "take care of me"  Thanks!!  She was even nice enough to get me some food - post trauma carbo loading is very important..  MOre chills, very little sleep, time to take a shower finally and wash the blood off my body..

PS - climb tonight PC 6:00, I will be belay bitch and practice my right hand dino moves (and yes, thats what the kids are calling it these days)..

 

Rating - 5 Mini purse coffins full of crack, cigaretts, coupons and lottery tickets.. 
 

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