This is a recap about nothing, complete emptiness, in our hearts and souls and yet you still read on.

So, its monday, its snowing and we are all working, wearing sunglasses and drinking martinis at lunch..  Tthe daily climb contemplation email goes out and we have the usual week make that weak team..  Its Puke, Fock and Splatt..  No news from the other faigs and faigetts..  So im on my way down, to prime climb that is and im completely flustered, my mind is torn between coffee and donuts..  Well this decision should be easy since I quite drinking coffee for new years and Ive already had 6 coffees today, so I stay on the merritt and some Weenie in a blue subaru passes me while snakerbating..

    The 3 of us arrive at once, "I love it when a plan comes together"..  I get the usuall stolen goods in the parking lot - xtr wheel, crappy shock, digital camera and an empty watter bottle I will sell on ebay for 3.99 full of my piss..  Steve the owner is there all alone, he fired everyone..   So enough precrap, on to the frop..

    I missed splatts first climb, but im sure it was good..  Focker up the stripes, then slaps every hold on the whitey benny hill freaky styley..  He made the first 1/8 of the climb look very impressive..  FOcker complains of limp wrists due to "grabbing poles all weekend", oh - its not what you think - he quit his job and landed a new carrear..   He is filming this new movie with danzel washington called the "the boner collector"..  Gary has to put one of those strap on pretzle flashlights on his head, then grab as many bones in the dark as he can..  Sorry for the tangent - fock - so anyway - im off to the new breast climb, I havent been on  the breast in a while, BUT AT LEAST I HAVENT BEEN GRABBING POLES!!  So the breast was sleeeeeezy as they come and I was thourougly dissedapointed.

What is this music playing, its awesome..  Man steve has really got his sheit together, running the whole show, stocking the fridge, RE_RATING all the climbs back to the normal standard, hes got AP, erl shibe, propellerheads this is great..  UH....  Hey...  This is my mix and im such an idiot..  So Splats up on the new limey, I refuse to recognize..   He gets the bottom but has mucho grande hard time with the peak, gives up..  Too funny splatt is reenacting his moves so I can trouble shoot "so I have the slopper in my left hand (left hand goes up), and the sloper in my right hand (right hand goes up)"  - looks like he is mime molesting or air molesting..  Is that a crime?? probably no worse than air boning..   anway -  Focker on 11+ black red, toe hook no problem but falls on the green to blue clam..  Has trouble jamming his hand into the blue clam - maybe if it was a blue pole he would have stuck it..  bastard..  So he just flops once - oh actually once more then makes it to the top..  Focker and i work the 10a new white, I clean , fock flops just once (there was jizz on the blue nub in his defense)..   Splatt gets the TAN - WHOOOHOOO - nice job..  I punish myself on the skywall 10 and the roof the roof the roof was not on fire, speaking of fire, I had wild thoughts of the gym burning down with a bunch of suckers tied in to the floor with curiously welded caribeaners..   OK so splatt wants breast, new breast..   I am beat so get on the couch, eyes rolled back, lids half shut, in transe spectation mode..  So splatt is getting stuck and I start yelling, switch your feet, switch your feet again, and again and again..  It was so funny at one point he was running like scooby doo on the wall..  I mean yes I have seen people (even myself) swim up the wall like a fish but never run in place now thats embarrassing..

Even more funnier - Splatt on the skywall..   Gets on the limey 5.8 and ignores my advice of rope around the neck..   Climbs the first part pretty good but decides to skip the right half of the route, and cheat with an awkward stomach churning lunge up the roof thats probably a 5.10 move..  Second roof he is all tangled up in the ropes and is spinning and swinging like a school girl, yes I tried not to look up..  He'll be back for that one, and you better believe I'll be there to watch and maybe film for the bikerag movie.

I have nothing but get on the black 11+  on "our wall"..  Long story short - It went down, finally, with voodoo style points but the gym was empy so my only witness was my belay bitch splatt who was hardly paying attention to me anyway (probably starring at the breast wall  IYKWIM)  Splatt up on 11+ red black stripe - almost makes the first move..  Heads for black - 1/2 way up - impressive.  Oh he did the purple 5.8 too but swam a bit at the top..  Smokey bar - FOcker is out as his pASSat is headed to trumbull for dessert..  Splatt and I dominate the smokey bar ordering 2 gary platters in his honor..

Rating - 5 piles of skelatal remains, chained to the floor of Prime climb after a 3 alarm fire...   Focker go collect those bones and bring em back to the lab for dna sampling..

Nice crimbe - PM

OH - Speaking of abortions - I forgot about my hack job on the 13 a..  I get lower and lower every time, kicking the wall like im in kindergarden..   Its got to be a 13b at least..

PS - I heard a rumor that ms magic fingers has one of her fingers weighted down with a heavy rock of some sort - congratulations..