Bizarre Bike Fix - Maintance tips, on trail and off to fix your bike with random parts, tools and procedures.


Bizzare - yet effective Bike fix's / Repairs, for standard repairs, check out this book - Zinn and the Art of Mountain Bike repairs
No picture - Sorry - Bet you have a picture of 5th element shock burned in your head anyway.. NEW

5th Element  Bushing replacement without any special tools.

Finally replaced the bushings in my bullit 5th element shock..  Didnt have the tool, neither did north haven bike but that didnt stop us..  Happened to find an old derailleur fixing bolt on the bench, ground it down, just a hair, popped it in the eyelet and pounded it out with hammer and screwdriver..  Sweet, I love home made tools..

QR-20 Roof Rack Trick

So im in New Hampshire at my moms house with PMD and 2 bikes.  My bike has a z150 qr20 on the front which I keep inside the xterra.  So PMD decides she wants to bring some furniture back, a big dresser, great..  So I have to somehow but my bike on the roof rack..  What do you know, All I had to do was clamp the QR20 around the big nobs of my Yakima roof rack, I added a strap for good measure but it held up there just fine for 4 hours on the highway..
Rear Derailleur Barrel Adjuster SNAPS off - What to DO -

Thanks Crash & Burn

Hey I've got a bike fix for you too.  My rear der. barrell adjuster snapped off on the trail last week leaving just the threaded part of the screw in the der.  I removed the cable and the screw and threaded what was left of the adjuster  back into the opposite side closer to the cable clamp.  Screw in just enough so that the cable housing can still slide into the hole where the tensioner once was so it will use the screw as a stop (see picture).  You'll have to remove the cable housing end so it fits.  This lasted 2-3 more rides until the housing split as a result of removing the end cap.  It should at least get you home though.

Or just carry a spare adjustment screw from an old deraileur.

Rear shifter cable snaps on the trail - what are you to do

Something that looks like this..


Homey lost his rear shifter cable - Snap.. Ok - So your on the trail and your rear shifter cable snaps in 2, whatya gonna do??  You could do the old single speed fix by removing links from the chain but thats a major pain in the arse..  Instead try this 29 second fix, it worked for me, the whole ride..  Manually force the rear derailure into the biggest gear (the one closest to teh spokes)..  Unscrew high and low limit screws..  Remove barel adjuster from derailure and put in safe place (like your camel back or mouth)..  Now pull the inner cable tight and wrap it around the high and low limit screws as if you were at the marina tying off your boat on a doc cleat (crazy eights)..  After a couple wraps, tighten the high and low limit screws.  If you did it right you will have Middle one and granny one or (qm1)..   2 gears is better than one, and this fix is supa fast..
  Opps I lost my quick release - Allen wench fix..  Good one.. 
I don't know if you've heard this before, but today my friend's front quick release skewer disappeared during our ride. How? No ones quite sure. His wheel went flying, we couldn't find the skewer, no one had a spare. So we're trying to decided what to do. I pull out some allen wrenches, to take off his front brake. And it hits me, stick one in each side of the axel to use as a sort of skewer. "Shit wheres my electrical tape. Clark I thought you had it." After searching everyone else's Camelbak and jersey pockets for ten minutes.. Its in MY jersey pocket.. DUAH... So we tape the allen wrenches in. We ride a the rest of the way out of the trails. It made it all the way from Middlesex to Pedal Power in downtown Middletown. The were a little bit amused with our fix.
Tubless Wheel & normal Tire - Wiggle Wobble Fix So - I get this new fancy mavic tubeless rear wheel with no intentions of actually using a tubeless setup.  Put some normal tires on, pump em up to 40 psi and FOCK, the thing is wobbling all over the place and im pissed..  So Aron at VC gives me the skinny, you have to windex the tires before you put them on...  Sounds like an old wives tail, but I try it and sure enough it works..  Alternatevly you can use bodily fluids at your own discretion or just pump the crap out of it until the tire settles and you hear a big Pop noise, just like the ones coming out of my chest lately..
LOOSE headset race. I know, I know, just buy a chris king for a cool bill and be done with it.. Seems like a waste to me for a barely functioning part..  So I get this cane creek headset at Cycling Concepts for a super deal..   When I go to "press" the race onto the fork it basically just slides on and is just a hair loose. Dam..   So instead of taking a trip to biatch, I just put one layer of tin foil around the race and then I actually did have to press it on, with a hammer I might add..   Im sure if I didnt shim it with foil, cane creek would have lived up to its name!!


Specialized FSR gets a frankenstien custom 4 am drunken disk brake..  Ohhhh My head So THMP is all jacked up, buys a full face helmet and Avid mechanical disk breaks..   So we riding one day as his parts are en-route and I notice he has no disk brake mount..  OOPS!!   So he talks to GI and gets an adaptor for some crazy hays 8" rotor, but he would have to buy shifters and more stuff, more stuff more stuff..   So to make a long story longer, he brings the goods over to the compound..

Start pulling pieces of aluminum out of my pants and the workshop, and what do I find!!!   I know you cant even fecking guess...   ITs fockers broken swingarm from his mountain recycle bike...   BINGO the dropout has a disk brake mount - seemingly making our life easy..   Couple trips to the GErage for vertical bandsawing and we are in business..   So first I fabricate one bracket and THMP realized its going to stick into his foot..   Plan B - theres always a plan B..  So We find a piece of angle, machine it, its gonna work, off to panera for food, hungry tiger for endless drinks and lesbians that are thumb dancing to adiose pantalones..   The waitress who gave us sheit the other day in 5 seconds (SWC), is looking for tips, think THMP got a lap dance or something, he dissapeared for a while...  Anyway - Talks with cash money - too funny, back home at 1:30am

Back to the bike - I can never sleep after exceeding my 2 drink limit so I fire up the drill and start making random holes in THMP's FrankenSR..   So a couple more trips to the milling machine, taping, sawing, filing..   Its 4AM and im done, flippin dog is barking at me..   Am cable-ing and Phew, love it when a plan comes together..  Not sure if they will stop the bike, but they look good....  PM


Whipe once, spank twice.. The bizzare X-terra windshield wiper fix.. Your probably thinking every time something breaks I try to fix it with MTB pars just so I can expand the bike fix section..  Yes its true..  So im on a ride friday with THMP..  Just before we show up, my windshield wipers die.. Its raining..  So I forget about it, we ride, back to the car..  FOCK..   So I figure I dont need no stinkin wipers and drive on..  Not a good idea, left my ski goggles in my other car..  So dug in the majic box and found 2 sets of brand new cables with housing, tied one on to eiher wiper, made a loop..  Not recommended for standards or when theres heavy rain but it worked..  A reall biatch once it starts pouring..  But if your in a desperate emergency sitiation, like me and your rushing to eli-cannons for carbo-loading, it works..  Actually they will probably stay on for months..  You do get some looks on the highway, it looks like your spanking 2 monkeys while your driving..  What was really funny - we were in traffic and the guy next to me - your not going to believe this - his wipers broke too!!!  So he was using a rag to wipe his window - I felt like a king, king of what I dont know..   So appreciate your wipers, and bring some cable housing with you at all times..
  Its Dark, yor HIV light just died - alone and lost in the woods once again Can you say backup light..  Not enough people ride with them.   I always have to loan my spare out.  Just in case throw what we call a pretzel, or in real world terms petzyl or black diamond hiking light into your pack..  Super light weight and they last a long time..  Not bright enough to ride with but will get you out of the woods..  You can get one at I think..  EMS too..
Lost Dust Cover Cap to Noleen Air Fork:
You could buy another one, or, go for a ride on a trail infested with careless drunks. (Meshomasic is a fine choice). Pick up one of the many discarded caps to a bottle of Thunderbird (Boone's work just as well, too). Jam it onto your fork where the original dust cover was. Voila!

Thanks - Ankle Biter!!!


Where Did my disc brake fixing bolt go??  FOCK - who has the medal detector, it cant be more than a mile from here.. So on the trail today focker is complaining of strange sounds from his new avid mechanicals..  So I look at my front wheel and FIRST realize that I have been riding with my front shock LOCKED out!!  See below - moron..  So anyway we pedal on 50 more feet and I hear strange sounds coming from the front disk - I look down and the caliper is just HANGING there!!  GI - Jane is cringing as he reads this..  So I scream FOCK several times and then proceed to dig through my bag of goodies..  What do you know - my seat post binder bolt is the same thread series but too long, so I used it with a few presta nuts for spacers..  100% fix, and its still on the bike and will prob remain there.

Rear Derailleur Pulley Rubs on cog when in 34t gear - Gi-J Anal retentive bike mechanic Fix

Rear Der. rubs 34 tooth cog fix:  The B-tension screw on the rear der. is the 
key to stopping the annoying rubbing.  The B-tension screw controls how close 
the top pulley wheel comes to the cogset.  It is the screw, when viewed from 
the rear of the bike, on the der. which hits against the rear der. 
hanger/frame.  Tighten this screw all the way until the head bottoms out 
against the rear der.  Still rubbing??  If so remove the der. from the bike, 
remove the B-tension screw from the der.  Re-insert the screw from the 
opposite side as where you took it out.  Screw it in just until the screw 
begins to stick out the other side.  Reinstall the der. on the bike.  You now 
have the thickness of the head of the screw pushing against the der. hanger 
as well, pushing the top pulley as far away from the cogset as possible.

Still rubbing??  Ride more and use the 34tooth less, sally.


 Marzocchi's Extension Control Shocks - Not Completely Useless I have a Z1mcr on my bike and only use the extension control death lockout when stuck on extensive pavement tours (up until now)..  I realized on my last vacation that if I compress the shock and lock it out, that it fits in the car MUCH better..  Just try to remember to release it before you ride or that first drop will have a pretty harsh landing!!
We don't need no stinking headset press fix.. Sick of buying park tools for billions of dollars, just because you want to save money and build up your own bike..  I have never used a headset press and the C-clamp trick has not ruined a headset on me yet..  Simply use an 8" or so C-clamp and 2 wooden blocks to protect the headset..  Its a bit tricky to get it started squarely but you will get it.. Sometimes I tap it in with a rubber mallet first so its true to start..
The anaconda Bike Tube syndrome - Big Blackie strikes back Maybe an obvious fix, but for those of you who don't know, here's the problem.  When the tube was put in it probably wasn't inflated enough..  Secondly part of the tube was smushed between the sidewall of the tire and rim.  After the tire was inflated to 40 psi, it "exploded" 1 minute later scaring the crap out of me.  The fix, just check the space between the tire and sidewall before you inflate..
Knee Protector for stem - Part II - Recycling other sporting goods. This is a hogi Yogi Special - Take one of those Neoprene knee supports you never wear..  One with the hole right where your patella is.  cut it up and slide the hole over the stem.  You can use the Velcro that came with it to affix it to itself.. 
Pukemaster Scrubs Cracked Frame or any cracked mountain biking part for that matter Just did this fix to G-strings GT for him..  He had a cracked shock linkage.       The fix.  Rough up the aluminum with a coarse file.  Cut out carbon Fiber strips that will surround the part.  Mix up some high strength epoxy.  Saturate the part, then apply one layer at a time, adding epoxy between each layer with a brush..  When done, wrap with some type of string (like you would tie up a pig before roasting), so the carbon is pulled closely to the part and the epoxy is squeezed out..  If you want to get reall fancy you can heat tape it or shrink wrap it or vacuum bag it..  Might save you lots of time and money..  Not sure - Email me - OH YEAH for you Complete morons - let it dry for at least 2 days.  Some epoxies will also be stronger if you elevate the temp to 140 for about 2 hours...  Great you have to build an oven now - feel free and borrow mine..
 DOH   Stem Wacking you in the knees, and balls (and you DONT like it) - its the tennis ball fix  just take a tennis ball and cut a rectangular opening on one side - shove it on your stem and add some duct tape - or if your an anally retentive knob (like myself), you can rivet a "chinstrap" onto it..  Pipe insulation works OK too (not the fiberglass or asbestos kind)..
  Stripped out derailure hangar   A Team Crash Special. When desperate!, just clean the threads and gob some 5 minute epoxy in there, it worked for me in AZ for 4 days! PM

After the quick fix is over - drill it out and put a an adapter bushing in if you have enough metal left - most bike shops can get them.

The Strap-on A cracked frame on vacation day 2 doesn't mean you have to rent!!  This Jekyll has a cracked top tube right next to the seat tube.  A tie down strap with pre-tension got her through the week! - thanks LUTC
Cactus up your butt  Having trouble getting those cactus needles out of your skin?  Try to cover the area with Elmer's glue, let dry and peel off.  
Disc Brake Drool Fix - By Fat Pat Warning From PM - You may want to try this outside in case the brake fluid releases toxic fumes when heated, or it may even blow up for all I know - Bikerag is not responsible for this one (or any others for that matter)- try at your own risk..

"ever drool brake fluid on yor disc brake pads while trying to bleed the 
lines?i did. cleaned them with brake cleaner, soap and water, magic spells. 
nothing worked. 
then tossed them onto the toaster oven at 350 for about a half 
hour.mmmmm!cooked 'em clean.probably not recommended by hayes, though. 

GPS or camera shuts off randomly  Most likely you took the AA batteries out of your favorite sex toy, henceforth getting the terminals covered with KY jelly and god knows what else!!. Solution - Wipe jelly off.  Part II is you may have just worn out the batteries - get some new ones - might even want to think rechargeable....  From - Anonymous 
2 wrongs don't make a right, but 3 lefts do - I brought the wrong glove fix If you happen to bring two left or two right gloves to a ride, turn one inside out to create the opposite hand.  Thanks - Ken (ps that's not barbies ken)
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derailleur cable housing split leaves me with granny for the rest of the ride - fix I just jammed  a rock between the derailleur and the derailleur tube and it got me all the way home..
Protect your carpet from bike grease / oil To protect your carpet (rug) from grease take a slice of shower curtain and put it on the floor - it worked for shake and bake.


Camel back cleaning for the very desperate

Q. What do you do when you're at work already and you realize that your
CamelBak bladder is living proof (and I mean living) that life on Earth
originated from primordial cry-baby soup??

A. It'll cost you $2, but it's better than drinking e.Coli infested
primordial soup. First rinse with water to get the bigger chunks out. See
if you can jam a paper towel in there with a pen or something to get the
cling-ons. Then buy a bottle of Coke, and a bottle of Sprite. First, pour
the bottle of Coke in and agitate briskly. Push the sides of the bladder
against each other to help dislodge any organisms that still refuse to let
go. Then get rid of the excess air.(Warning: do NOT use suction at this
time, as the mixture is still toxic!!) Allow the bladder to soak for as
long as you can. Don't be late for the ride, though. When you are done,
empty the Coke, (again, don't drink it!) and pour in the Sprite for your
secondary rinse. Agitate the Sprite, then rinse with water. Refill with
water and/or cry-baby soup, and you are on your way!! 

Note: I just did this, so I really don't know if it'll work. It looks and
smells cleaner, but only time will tell if any nasty bacteria were able to
survive! Although both Coke and Sprite are pure sugar and bacteria love
sugar, the agitation and the phosphoric acid should clean the interior and
allow the final water rinse to eliminate them.

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Cookin with spokes.  Always carry some extra spokes with you. PM If your cooking shish kabobs on the grill and run out of skewers, you can use a spare wheel spoke or a chopstick!  Might want to wash the grease, dirt and mud off the spokes though
tiretape.JPG (45331 bytes) Tire - Blowout


Its always a good Idea to carry some tape with you for those extreme TIRE blowouts.  Senior P here fixed his complete tire rip with some athletic tape - the downfall is you CAN'T use your brakes - (or you will go over the handle bars - superman style)..  BUT - it did get him home allot quicker than walking!!
8speedfix.jpg (73030 bytes) 8 speed drivetrain 9 speed shifters?? IT WORKS


Having trouble locating some new 8 speed shifters??  What? you don't want to spend more money on that new heavy 9 speed drive train?  All you need to do is buy some new 9 speed shifters and attach the cable to the other side of the fixing bolt on the rear derailure, which changes the leverage ratio.  It may not be perfect, but I have a bike setup like this and it shifts fine..  Plus if you were about to buy the whole 9 speed system, you would have to buy the shifters anyway - just try it out if you need to save some cash
seatpost_bikerack_fix.jpg (306108 bytes) Roof Rack Seat clamp

PM-FOcker-lutc and company

Ahhh Moab - Bartlet wash - The day we broke TWO seat post clamps (Before the ride!!)..  So we had one extra, but decided to use parts from the rental roof rack to fix the other one - it worked, and we had an incredible ride, 
2 flats, no patch


Not a totally successful fix, but it got me another mile closer.  I flated 2 rears with no patch kit - used up my spare.  So my brainfart of the day was to cut one of the tubes at the leak and tie knots in the end, then I stuffed the other tube in the void.  I rode it 1 mile before it leaked, maybe some better knots would have helped, who knows
The ole dollar bill Tire slice fix trick - 

thanks - POW!!

When you slice your tire on a rock it doesn't have to mean the end of the ride..  Just put a dollar bill on the inside of the tire (over the gash - folded several times), put a new tube in and ride on.  Just remember to replace the tire for the next ride!  OH and you need to actually bring a dollar bill on the trail for this fix to work!!  I like to bring a couple dollars for tires and trailside betting, a ten for the occasional bar visit and a 20 for cab fare home (after 2 many drinks at the bar)..  Im sure some change would come in handy too plus adds some traction.  Gu and power bar wrapers work too - thanks superman
Broken handlebar

Crash & burn

Cram something inside the bar if you can and tape the outside, and or move the clamp directly over the break (if possible).
Broken seat rail


Loosen the seat clamp and move the clamp over the break (if possible) and tighten the clamp down. Titanium - the other white meat
Broken derailure

PIT / PM - fruita

Can you say single speed?  Break chain, remove derailure, remove links to make the bike single speed, you need to pick a straight chain line (middle 3 or so)..  Can be a frustrating fix, but often works well enough to get you home.  Or you can pull a scooter
Taco-ed wheel Find a split  tree, insert wheel, bend gingerly - rarely works well, but what the heck - give it a shot..
Wheel conversion Turn a 7 speed wheel into an 8 or 9 speed wheel If you have a perfectly good 7 speed wheel that is sitting in your closet, you may be able to turn it into an 8 or 9 speed wheel depending on the hub.  I have done it with a shimano LX speed hub, simply by removing the 7 speed freewheel (with metric alen wrench) and replacing with an 8 speed freewheel.  


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